Clara's Birth

Even before I was pregnant with Clara I knew that I wanted to have an intervention-free, natural labor with my next child.  I had an induction and epidural with the boys and had a relatively good experience, but I wanted it to be different with the next baby.  A lot of people cannot relate to the desire to have a medication-free labor and birth... I wanted to do it for a lot of reasons (maybe another post), but ultimately I have always just had the desire to experience it all.  I didn't do it to impress anyone, and I don't think it is wrong to get an epi or other medications.  Underneath it all, and in addition to many other motivating reasons, I just wanted to.  So I read a ton (loved Ina May's Guide to Childbirth) and hired a doula (Kelly O'brien Pahman of St. Brigid's Holistic Labor Care). I knew that if I focused on the scary things that can happen, I would be scared during labor.  I chose to focus on positive stories to give me confidence. 

Brandon and I talked about Clara's birth quite a bit while I was pregnant with her.  It was so suspenseful wondering how it was all going to go!  I said many times while I was pregnant that I "just had a feeling" that my labor would begin in the late evening.  I just thought it would.  Don't exactly know why but that was Clara's most active time.  I also talked about how funny it would be if she was born 4 days before her due date...My 3 brothers and I were all born 4 days before our due dates.  

So there Brandon and I were, enjoying a quiet evening 5 days before my due date.  Around 9 or 10 pm I realized that I was having a few more braxton-hicks contractions than normal.  "Hhmmm...tomorrow is 4 days before my due date...maaaaaybeee..." So I opened my contraction timer app (yup, there is an app for everything...and no, a regular timer is nowhere near as awesome.) and started timing.  They were coming about every 6 minutes, seemed promising but I didn't get my hopes up.  I didn't even tell Brandon I was timing contractions for about an hour.

I didn't sleep much that night.  My contractions stayed consistently 6 minutes (ish) apart and were graaaaadually getting a little stronger. After a while I decided enough was enough and that I needed some sleep...especially if this was the real thing! So, what do ya know, my contractions slowed down as I relaxed and I was able to sleep for a few hours. I woke up to stronger contractions, which was exciting, but they were still 6 minutes apart.  They were still manageable and hardly painful but strong enough to wake me.  After a few hours I got frustrated again and decided I needed to try and get a few more hours of sleep...my contractions slowed down and I slept for a few more hours.  At around 4 am I was woken again and I decided to pack my bag and wash my hair. :)  I woke up Brandon and said, "Guess what! I'm in labor!" Brandon: "What?! really?!" Me: "Yes, I'm pretty sure.  You're not going into work." 

All morning, my contractions stayed 6 minutes apart, on average.  They would frequently stretch out and be 10-15 min apart, but every time they came back they were stronger.  We took a walk, did stuff around the house, Brandon played with the boys, I ate a big lunch.... By early afternoon I was getting annoyed with the fact that they were NOT getting closer together!  Sigh...maybe this was going to take a long time.  They were, however, getting stronger.  At this point, I could no longer talk or walk through my contractions and I was starting to ask Brandon to push on my lower back during them.  I leaned over the counter and swayed through each one, concentrating on relaxing every muscle in my body.  Despite their intensity, I was energetic and excited.  I felt completely normal between contractions.  

Somewhere around 1pm I was getting irritated at the slow pace and asked Kelly, my doula, to come over for a little while.  I also decided that maybe I would be able to relax a bit if my mom picked up the boys so I gave her a call.  I read a lot about the mind-body connection during labor and whole-heartedly believed that being uncomfortable or feeling stressed could affect my labor.  I had a hunch that having my boys out of the house would leave me feeling more relaxed and that my labor would then pick up.

I could not have been more right.  5 minutes after my mom left with my boys (around 3 pm) while bending over during a contractions, I felt a twitch in my belly accompanied by an audible popping noise.  And I mean not just audible to me...Brandon and Kelly both looked confused and asked, "What was that?" "Was that the fridge?!"  Confused for a split second I said, "What was....??" Then with comprehension I gasped and stood up straight.  Confirming my suspicion, my water rushed out!  YAYAYAYAYAY!  I was so excited! I was literally jumping for joy.  

Within a few minutes it was pretty clear that I had entered active labor.  I had moved quickly from the first emotional stage of labor (excitement) to the second emotional stage (seriousness).  Contractions were immediately stronger and more intense.  Brandon got into high gear and decided the dishes needed to be done.  LOL.  Kelly put counterpressure on my lower back (I had very painful back labor) and suggested that I say "aaaaahhhhhhhhh" during my contractions.  Every single tip she had helped immensely.  

Within 20 minutes of my water breaking, my contractions were very close together.  I was starting to feel like I was hardly getting a break between them.  I had become very serious and focused.  Labor was all I was doing and I could not be distracted from it.  Brandon asked if it was time to go to the hospital and when neither Kelly nor I answered, he knew that was a yes! He scrambled to gather all the things we needed and packed the car (maybe we should have done that earlier?).  

Then I realized something.  I had to sit in the car in order to get to the hospital.  This sounded nearly impossible to me...contractions were SO MUCH MORE PAINFUL when sitting down.  I labored in bed with the boys, but got the epi when it started getting intense.  At this point with Clara, I could not imagine being confined to a bed!  I decided to climb in the back seat and kneel, facing backwards.  This was much more bearable than sitting, but the ctx were already incredibly overwhelming!  

My contractions slowed in the car (which Kelly had warned me could happen) but in the 7 minutes it takes to get to the hospital from our house I had 3!  When we got to the ER, I realized we had another "problem."  I had to go in alone while Kelly and Brandon parked their cars! I refused the wheel chair offered to me (again, no way was I sitting down) and stood nicely behind the "please wait here until called" sign.

That didn't end up happening.  As another contractions was building, I needed that counter to lean against!  As I got to the counter, the nurse asked me my name...I just barely answered.  "Spelling?" He said. I replied, "Nope!!!  aaaaaaaahhhhhh..."  I was completely aware that every single person was staring at me.  Like 15 people.  But I didn't care at all...I was in full, rip-roaring labor!  And, in spite of the incredibly intense pain, I was so excited.  I remember one of the nurses looking at me with an expression of pity on her face.  Even in the middle of the pain, I was thinking "Don't pity me!  I'm about to meet my baby!"

I went through one or two more contractions before Kelly and Brandon came running in...they were gone for 5 minutes and I had at least 3 contractions in that time.  And this was only 45 minutes after my water had broken! This was going SO FAST.  I couldn't really think beyond the moment...at the time I wasn't really aware of how little time had passed!  I could tell Clara would be out very soon.  It took a few minutes for an L&D nurse to arrive and I remember one of the ER nurses saying to another, "Uh..is L&D coming soon?  They better hurry up!"

On the way up, I had 2 more contractions, vocalizing through both of them as i leaned against the wall.  Another pregnant mommy was being wheeled up with me...She didn't make a peep.  I must have been freaking her out!!! While the contractions were close and VERY painful, it was much different than the pain that occurs when something is wrong in your body. I wasn't afraid, I didn't pull away from the pain, I wasn't panicking, I wasn't wanting sympathy, and I never even THOUGHT of the epidural.  

In the hallway just outside of L&D, I stopped for another ctx.  It. was. so. intense.  During this one something changed.  I started to cry and started to feel overwhelmed.  Kelly told me later that she thinks this was the beginning of transition, the final stage of labor before pushing starts.  I was definitely entering into the final emotional stage of labor: self-doubt.  Feeling like I CANNOT DO THIS!!!!  

When we got into the triage room I could barely follow any directions.  The nursed checked me and told me that my cervix was at 5cm and still posterior.  WHAT?!? Seriously!?  I felt like that was nothing!  In hindsight I know that it was INCREDIBLY FAST progress for 50 minutes of active labor.  Right after she checked me, I scrambled off the bed to stand up and lean over it.  I felt so discouraged and started saying "I feel like I can't do this!" but believing that my attitude can effect labor I said "But I can! I can do it because it is going to go fast!" Literally seconds after I said this my arms began to shake.  I was SO EXCITED by this because I knew that shaking can occur during transition.  And that transition is the last part before pushing.

These contractions were as intense as they get.  Halfway through each contraction my voice would start shaking and I felt totally, completely, fully consumed.  Without help, encouragement, support, and education it may have been terrifying.  I was battling fear, but not terrified.  I was overwhelmed, but excited.

Shortly after I began shaking, Kelly suggested a new position... leaning against Brandon while she put counter pressure on my back.  I will never forget the feeling of wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my head on his chest.  It was the most relaxing and welcoming feeling I have ever experienced.  I think I even cried from the relief.  It was kind of like crawling into your warm bed when you are exhausted, cold, and beat from a draining day.  As sappy as it may sound, it just felt like home.

Over the next 30 minutes labor was more intense than I could ever have imagined. I remember feeling very overwhelmed at the speed of it all.  I was having a hard time catching up mentally.  A few minutes after we got to the delivery room I was at the end of my rope. I felt like getting through this was going to be impossible!  Mentally, emotionally, and physically, I was completely consumed by labor.  I knew everything that I was feeling, but I was not really able to form complete, organized thoughts in my mind (kind of difficult to describe).  Everything in me was letting go as I allowed my body to take control and perform this amazing task. 

At this point I began to pray out loud between each contraction.  I said "God give me strength. God give me strength." over and over.  How could I find the strength in my body to do it?!  The labor process was in complete control.  My body knew exactly what it was doing and there was no stopping it.  I rembered that Kelly had told me that at the end you feel like your body is going to split in two...but it won't!  And that it feels like the contractions are stronger than your body, but in fact your body is making them so you ARE stronger! These thoughts really helped!

At around 4:15 or so (25 minutes after I had last been checked) I felt a very mild "pushy" feeling and somehow voiced this.  The nurse checked me (oh it was so hard to get on that bed...I was barely on it). 7cm. 7cm7cm7cm.

I scrambled off the bed. "God give me strength, give me strength, give me strength."  I remember leaning against the bed and holding onto Kelly's arm while Brandon squeezed my hips together...I had suddenly requested that over back counter pressure. I cannot even believe that my body could make such intense and strong contractions. 

I remember reading in Ina May's book how she had experienced women saying something (i.e. I just want to dilate!) and it would happen.  I think it would be a BIT of a stretch to say that something like that would work without fail, but at the point that I was at in my labor I was just about ready to try anything.  So I said, "I just want this baby out of me!!!"  

No more than two contractions later I was shouting, "I'm pushing!" and scrambling up onto the bed.  (I was kind of surprised that I did that...I didn't think I was going to want to lay on my back for the pushing phase!)  Ok, everyone talks about the "urge" to push.  For me, it wasn't an urge...it just pushing.  There is absolutely no stopping it.  I wasn't holding my breath and engaging my abs, but everything else in my body was pushing down.

The nurses start scrambling and I remember hearing them saying, "She's complete! Where is the doctor!? I called her 15 minutes ago! This baby is coming now!" To my knowledge, she did not check me to confirm I was complete. I think she just saw Clara's head! This didn't alarm me, in fact I really didn't care at that point who caught my baby! I was trying my best not to help the pushing along but it was happening. It is SO INCREDIBLE how intense, urgent, powerful that feeling is.  There is no describing it or understanding it unless you have experienced it!

Just after the resident doctor rushed in and began introducing herself, the doctor from my practice came in!  Dr. Hoekstra encouraged me through a few pushes...and by a few, I mean like...four. This phase was SUCH a relief from the contractions.  The pressure was SO powerful.  After 3 pushes or so I felt the ring of fire...which, for me, was nowhere near the most painful part! For some women, it is.  But when I felt it I was SO RELIEVED because I knew I was almost done!

Dr. Hoekstra asked if I wanted to feel her head and I said, "NO I JUST WANT HER OUT!"  One more contraction came and I followed the "urge" to push one more time...and Clara was out!!  It was the most amazing feeling...  She immediately came up to my chest and let out a few squawks.  Her head was nuzzled right against my neck.  I brought my hands up to her.  The room was so quiet...I felt...so good.  Brandon was wiping away tears.  Clara was SO beautiful.  Warm, pink, and much chubbier than I had expected!  Her cord was so cool...I hadn't had the chance to see Owen's or Carter's.  Translucent and twisty with dark veins running through the center.  Her little nose was kind of turned up and exactly like how it had looked in her ultrasound.  Her ears were like mine with funny little bumps on the top.  I remember I said, "we did it Clara!!!"  I just held her in my hands and felt SO good, so relieved, so thankful, so thankful, so thankful.  We waited a few minutes to clamp the cord (which Kelly did, Brandon is squeamish :) and everything was just perfect.  The nurses were wonderful...they did her initial assessment on my chest and just gave us our precious time.  

After I had delivered the placenta (not much pain at all) I nursed Clara.  She was just the picture of perfection.  She latched on like she had been doing it for months!  After my challenges nursing our boys, it was so amazing to hear her swallowing colostrum.  I felt so energetic and was absorbing every second as I looked down at my SWEET girl.  She even gave me a big burp when she was done!  I just cuddled her...until I realized that she had pooped on me.  (It hadn't occured to me at all to put a diaper on her.) So about an hour after she was born I reluctantly let her go get cleaned up.  7lbs, 11oz, 20in!

At some point in that time it occurred to me to ask what her birth time was...she was born at 4:35pm!  Only 1 hour and 40 minutes after my water had broken in my kitchen and 45 minutes after I had gotten up to the L&D floor!!!!  I couldn't believe it...and neither could Kelly!  She said she had never seen progress that fast. :)  

I'm so thankful for how perfectly healthy Clara was and is.  And so thankful to Kelly and Brandon for being such amazing support during labor.  Clara is such a picture of perfect health!  It has been so fun getting to know her and to watch her big brothers interact with her.  Even though the pain of labor was so overwhelming, the memory of it makes me want to do it again!  We'll see. :)